


Worth

by NKI_Stories



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Heartbreak, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Love/Hate, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Training
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23562298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKI_Stories/pseuds/NKI_Stories
Summary: It took forty-five minutes before Kakashi came casually strolling into view with hands in his pockets. The imaginary face on the target wood-post was now completely rearranged and Iruka was happy his Hokage had shown up so he could start doing it to the real thing.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 56
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter 1

_"You were nothing but a coping mechanism, something to help take my mind of actually important things when I needed a break. You can't have thought I cared? Pathetic!"_

Iruka woke up with an ache in his chest and the feeling of his throat closing up on him. He lied still, trying to calm his pulse while staring at the cracked ceiling above him. 

It had been eight years since Kakashi gave him those harsh words, but he still had dreams about it. He hated Kakashi for being so cruel, and breaking his heart, but at the same time, he struggled to let go. He had been so in love, he thought he had found something real and pure. It had felt like they could stand on top of the world and nothing could tear them down from the high peak. 

Iruka closed his eyes. He didn't think about it that often the last couple of years, but sometimes the memories hit him like a rolling boulder, and he felt crushed by the weight of all the emotions he was supposed to have moved on from. 

For years Kakashi's breakup had made him feel so insecure. It had made him feel like he had no value or importance to anybody. Eventually, Iruka found self-worth again. It took time, but he healed. Naruto was a big part of that. 

The feelings and dreams occurred more often now that Kakashi had made Hokage, and he had to see the face of his ex-lover on the Hokage monument every day. Before the dreams only triggered whenever they crossed paths, like Kakashi turning in a shitty mission report to bully him or when Naruto, unaware of their pasts, called the other man over. 

They pretended like nothing of course, and Kakashi would send Iruka fake smiles. Iruka never smiled back, but he was always polite.

Now the man was none other than Iruka's boss, and he couldn't help but feel like Kakashi was laughing at what a loser he was. To be real, Kakashi was a fucking legend, while Iruka was, well, an academy teacher with no real achievements behind him. Iruka was well aware he could never live up to someone like the older man. 

Iruka rolled out of bed, looking at the time. '04:23'.

He sighed and walked to the bathroom knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep. After washing his face and getting dressed, he decided to take a walk in the chill morning air to clear his head. It was still dark outside, but it wouldn't be long until the sun would rise on the horizon. 

Iruka walks mindlessly. The streets quiet with nothing but the sound of a bird singing its song. He thinks about the position of headmaster of academy that had opened up. He wants to apply for the position, knowing he could do a lot of good for the academy and its students. But that would also result in having to work more closely with the Hokage, and Iruka wanted to stay away from the man as much as possible. 

He knew Naruto loved the silver-haired Jonin, and he was glad Kakashi had taken good care of the young boy, but Iruka also felt slightly jealous. Another thing Kakashi had bested him in, and something Iruka could never compete with. Iruka knew Naruto loved him too, but the truth is, Iruka couldn't offer Naruto any fancy training or give up a Hokage seat for the boy. 

Iruka was in deep thought, also thinking about the infinite Tsukuyomi they had all been put into. The dream where Naruto had accepted adoption and become his son. The feeling of pale, strong arms wrapping around his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder, some silver unruly hair blocking his side-view while he was cutting vegetables for some dinner he was making. 

He should have realized it was a dream the second he found himself trying to cook something. 

Iruka sighed, and looked up at the sky, now no longer dark. There was barely any clouds, and only two birds could be seen flying about. The streets became slightly more alive with people preparing their shops. 

It was rather peaceful, and Iruka was grateful the city was this full of life after the war. A lot of people still mourned their lost ones, but the air was lighter knowing there was peace between the nations and no known bigger threats out there at the moment. 

"It's all very different isn't it?" 

The deep voice woke Iruka from his thoughts. He spun around, only to be met by the sight of the man that had been occupying his mind more and more after the war. He blinked, not sure how to respond to the man dressed in his Hokage uniform in front of him. 

Kakashi gestured to the streets with his hands and Iruka turned to see what he aimed at. Two children, sitting under a window with their legs crossed, playing cards while their parents were setting up their fruit-stand. Before, parents rarely let their kids out of view or wander on their own, but now, it was a lot more relaxed. Parents could focus on the task at hand, rather than keeping their kids in view at all times. 

Iruka frowned, not really sure why Kakashi bothered to even talk to him. He turned back to the older man with a raised eyebrow, not bothering to hide his annoyance from having his morning stroll interrupted by none other than the Hokage. Iruka had enormous respect for the man, and would even die for his Hokage, but it didn't mean he had to like him. He still stayed polite though. 

"Yes, you have done a good job securing the peace after the war, Hokage-Sama." Iruka bowed his head in respect. 

Kakashi just stared at him with calculating eyes before they turned into two upside-down crescent moons. 

"Mah, it was all Naruto's doing."

Iruka felt a smile tug at his lips. He was immensely proud of the blonde knucklehead, and yes, Naruto was the main reason they were in a time of peace. 

"Yes, I don't think he can ever not achieve what he put his mind to." Iruka couldn't hold back the genuine smile caused by how proud he felt. 

"I believe we have you to thank for that." Kakashi still smiled at him, and Iruka felt a bit thrown off by what he thought was a compliment. With Kakashi, you could never be sure though, and Iruka felt his own defenses go up. 

"I haven't done anything Hokage-Sama, it is all Naruto's own doing." Iruka clenched his jaw in annoyance. Typical Jonin to find some way to poke fun at him, even though Iruka had no clue what Kakashi wanted to achieve with such a statement. 

"Naruto might not have taken the path he did if you did not show him compassion and kindness when you did. I suppose the real hero behind winning the war, is you."

Iruka felt his eyes widen and warmth spread in his cheeks. He was speechless. Kakashi had never been kind after he broke the relationship (that was undoubtedly not real in the first place) and Iruka felt unsure of how to respond. 

"Naruto had more people than me showing him the right path, you included. Do not discredit yourself, Hokage-Sama."

Kakashi just hummed at that. Then he gestured towards the street. 

"Mind if I join you?"

Iruka narrowed his eyes in suspicion. He'd much rather be left alone, but his ex-lover was now his Hokage, and Iruka was too loyal to do anything but accept. Kakashi knew this too, which is why he started walking before Iruka responded, knowing that Iruka would follow. 

"So, have you considered applying to the position as headmaster? I have gotten a lot of recommendations for you, but no actual application."

Iruka's heart warmed at the thought that people would recommend him for such an important task, but not sure what to respond. He had held back because of not wanting to deal with this specific man himself, but he couldn't really admit that without sounding like a child. 

"I did consider it, yes." He simply replied. Shoulders tense from this awkward interaction. 

"And?" Kakashi pushed. 

"I haven't decided."

"Why not?" 

Iruka felt his annoyance rise again from Kakashi pushing the subject. 

"I have my reasons for the position not to be as desirable as I'd like it to be." 

Kakashi sent him a side glance with a raised eyebrow. Iruka knew Kakashi read between those lines just fine, but he did not care anymore. 

"You shouldn't let an opportunity like that pass just because you dislike me Iruka-sensei." Kakashi looked at him with both grey eyes, something Iruka still had to get used to as he had seen Kakashi's Sharingan more than once. It might be a trick of the light, but he thought he saw some regret there. 

"I'm fine where I am now, thank you."

Kakashi stopped then and Iruka reluctantly stopped too and turned towards him. 

"I know you have a lot of good to offer the Academy and this entire village Iruka-sensei. It would be a shame to give the position to someone else when I know you can do a better job." 

This time Kakashi looked away and sighed. Iruka not sure what to say, to be honest. This might just be one of Kakashi's cruel games. 

"I am sorry for what I said that night and how I treated you afterward. You have every reason to hate me, and I don't blame you nor expect forgiveness. But I am very serious about wanting you to take the position." 

Kakashi met his eyes again and Iruka felt unvelcome emotions surge through him. One thing he knew about his Hokage was that he never apologized unless he really meant it. Kakashi was now standing before him, looking as good as he always had, saying he was sorry for the hurt he had caused. What could Iruka possibly say to that?

Iruka had seven years with resentment for this man and one year with memories of the infinite Tsukuyomi, playing on repeat. He had to remind himself of the actual reality of his relationship with this man, which was not a good one. 

But now, his Hokage, leader, and ex-lover was standing in front of him looking almost vulnerable. Iruka knew Kakashi was not fragile and would manage just fine without him in the position. But he, found himself, considering it. 

"I will think about it." It was Iruka's time to turn away, feeling the weight of Kakashi's gaze crushing him. 

He saw Kakashi nod in his side-view.

"Thank you, I look forward to hearing from you Iruka."

Kakashi turned, and walked in direction of the Hokage tower. Iruka followed him with his eyes, wanting to tell the arrogant man to not be so familiar. He didn't, because Iruka was so incredibly confused by what just happened. Kakashi was never kind to him, not after the break up anyways, but he had seemed almost sad at the end of the conversation, and the sensei did not know what to make of it. 

He started walking back home to his apartment while trying to figure it all out. Iruka knew he still cared a little about the man based on the good memories he did have from their past relationship, but based on the reality and actions after it ended, It was mostly dislike he felt. At least so he thought. Now, he was wondering if he simply forced himself to hate the older man because it was easier to deal with than the actual feelings he had. 

No. 

He didn't nurture all this hate, all this time, because he still loved Kakashi. If anything, the infinite Tsukuyomi was still messing with his head. Iruka struggle after the war when it came to the dream that supposedly made all your dreams and desires come true. But it was an evil jutsu, done by an evil man, and Iruka denied himself the truth when it came to what he wanted most in this world. 

Sure he wanted to make Naruto his family, but he did not want Kakashi. Not after all this time. 

Iruka reached his apartment and unlocked his door. He looked at the time which told him it was ten past 6. It was time for him to get ready for class, and he turned the shower on to heat the water, while he undressed. 

Once he entered the shower he allowed himself to think about the offer. 

What should he do when it came to the job? Could he manage to work more closely with the Hokage and still stay sane? Maybe he could, now that Kakashi had apologized? Would it result in Iruka trying to tear the head of the other man's body to decorate the Hokage monument with the real thing, or could they learn to tolerate each other? 

What should he do about the fact that the Hokage himself, sought out Iruka about it? Iruka clenched his fists and slammed his hand into the tiles on the wall, with chakra infused force. Not as hard as he could have punched, but enough to crack the tiles and make blood pour from his knuckles. The water from the shower made it seem like there was more blood than it really was.

Iruka hated this loop of confusion he had just been thrown into, and felt the frustration boil over. 

Iruka wanted the job, but he wanted to stay the fuck away from the asshole who broke his stupid, young and naive heart. An asshole, who just apologized and still looked to damn good for his own good in his new uniform. 

If anything, Iruka should apply for the sake of loyalty to the village and nothing else. 

Right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh, I know I shouldn't have started this one, but I couldn't help it. 
> 
> And what it is with me having Kakashi break Iruka's heart?


	2. Chapter 2

After classes finished for the day, Iruka stayed at the academy when Naruto came by to study for his Jonin exam. Kakashi had shortly after the war ended, come to him asking if he could help Naruto with this. Iruka was more than happy to help of course. For Naruto's sake, not Kakashi's, and happily accepted. 

Now, he had his doubts, because he had forgotten what a horrible student Naruto was. The boy could not concentrate for more than two minutes and twenty-six seconds at a time.

Today though, he decided to let Naruto read on his own and rather be available if he had any questions, while he was thinking about what do do about his current situation. Naruto actually seemed quite engrossed in what he was reading at the moment anyway. 

The position of Headmaster of the academy was an incredible opportunity, and it came with a huge responsibility as you would be in charge of the education of Konoha's future soldiers, and that was not to be taken lightly. 

But, that also meant working closely with the village leaders to make sure the studies withheld certain standards. Iruka was not sure he had remotely any interest in having a job that meant he had to work with the current Hokage. 

Iruka appreciated the apology he had been given, and when he thought about it, he had not really had any awful interactions with Kakashi after the war or Pain's attack. Kakashi had actually saved him that day, and died shortly after, so a part of him felt like he owed Kakashi this. 

But…

He couldn't find himself to trust Kakashi's intentions. Maybe Kakashi had acknowledged Iruka's passion and caring nature for Konoha's youth, and as a leader, he saw the value in that, but it could be another mind game that Iruka had no interest in participating in. 

He just wasn't sure. 

At the same time Iruka did not want to let such an opportunity pass him just like that, because, if Naruto would become Hokage one day, he would love to work closely with him. Kakashi would after all not remain Hokage forever. 

But if this was just another way for Kakashi to reel him in and toy with him because he was bored of all the paperwork the job came with, then what? 

Iruka would have fallen for the cruel trap a second time. Well sort of. This was an application for a job, not a relationship, so it wasn't quite the same thing. 

Iruka tapped the application form in front of him with his fingers, while chewing on his pen. So far he had only filled in his name, not sure if he should continue or not. 

"You have been staring at that piece of paper like you are considering killing it, what did it do to deserve your wrath?"  
  
Iruka looked up at Naruto who was looking at him with a joyful gleam in his eyes. The sensei scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Ah well, the position of headmaster has opened up and I'm considering applying for it."

Iruka laughed nervously, he had almost forgotten Naruto was in the room. Naruto frowned at that and tilted his head at him.

"You don't seem that excited about it, why not?"

Iruka did not want to share the real reason with Naruto. Kakashi was a part of Naruto's family, and it wouldn't be right to make Kakashi look bad. So he just shrugged. 

"It would be a big change."

Naruto just looked at him suspiciously. He wasn't as dense as many thought he was, and Iruka hoped he wouldn't ask too many questions. 

"It's Kakashi-sensei, isn't it? You don't like him very much."

Iruka's eyes went wide and he needed a moment to think of a way to deny it, but before he managed to say anything Naruto continued. 

"You are always happy or excited to see anyone, but every time Kakashi is about your mood just drops. You stay polite as always, but you get really tense around him."

Iruka had no clue that Naruto had noticed. He never mentioned anything and he always acted oblivious to the fact. Iruka realized once again, that Naruto did know how to use that brain of his. 

Well sometimes...

Rarely.

He wasn't sure what to say to that. 

"It's complicated." He just answered instead, shifting his eyes to the training ground, outside the window. 

"Kakashi-sensei has always been an ass Iruka-sensei, at least he pretends to be. But he isn't as bad once you get to know him, he cares a lot about everyone." 

Iruka had to chuckle at that. He knew Kakashi had a big heart and cared about the people around him. He just didn't care about Iruka. At least not based on the years before the war. Kakashi was better now sure, but Iruka wasn't all convinced. 

"I just want to make sure I do the right thing, thank you Naruto."

Iruka smiled warmly at the boy. He knew Naruto just wanted what was best for him, and he appreciated Naruto looking out for him even if he did not know the story behind his doubt. 

"Believe it Iruka-sensei, you will be the best Headmaster in the history of Konoha!" 

Iruka laughed at that and flicked a pencil at the boy that hit him right between the eyes. Naruto looked at him with wide eyes before he rubbed his forehead and laughed. Iruka was well aware of how powerful the young man in front of him was, but he hoped he had been able to dodge that pencil if he had tried. He told Naruto to focus on the studies, so he could continue to consider murdering the paper in front of him. 

* * *

Iruka was standing outside the Hokage office, clutching the application-form to his chest. He had filled it in with the encouragement from Naruto, but now, standing in front of the door to a room that held a man he disliked heavily, the doubt started to kick in again. What if this would just end up as a total failure and he would be sad and miserable in the position? Was it worth it? Could he handle meeting with the Hokage once a week or fifty-two times a year to deal with academy business? What if Kakashi made his life hell from now on?

Iruka knew he made it out to be worse than it probably was, but he still carried the wound from those words given by a man he once loved. It was eight years ago now, it was time he moved on from that hurtful event. 

He took a deep breath and knocked. There, now he's done it, no going back now. 

"Come in!" 

Kakashi called through the door. Iruka had to force his hand not to shake when he grabbed the door-handle and opened the door. 

"Ah, Iruka-sensei. Please sit down." 

Kakashi sat behind his desk with huge piles on piles of paperwork on top of it. Iruka had to wonder if there was any organization to it or if everything had been mixed. Kakashi gave him the typical smile with his eyes, and Iruka felt a slight relief. At least so far Kakashi seemed to stay civil despite having nobody around. 

Iruka walked to the chair Kakashi had gestured too and bowed his head in respect before he sat down. 

"So, Sensei, have you thought about it?" 

Kakashi looked at him expectantly and Iruka had to swallow his nerves making sure his voice was steady before talking. 

"Yes, I did, and I have my application right here."

Iruka handed over the papers and Kakashi leaned slightly forward to grab it. He looked at the form and seemed to take some time to read through it. 

"Excellent, Thank you. Well, I want to offer you the job straight away, so that you can immediately start your training and hopefully be ready in a few months."

Iruka's eyes went wide with surprise. He had not expected to be offered the job just like that and felt a bit dizzy knowing he had to answer so soon. 

"Uhm, what does the training consist of?" 

Iruka didn't think it would be too difficult for him to get a grasp of the job, but he wanted to make sure he knew everything he was getting into. 

"Hmm? Oh, of course, I almost forgot to mention it, with the war and knowing the power some people hold, the council have decided that they want the person responsible of our future shinobi to be at least Jonin rank." 

Iruka was speechless and felt the rage start to grow inside him. He knew it, he fucking knew it! He had walked straight into this god damn trap. This was just another opportunity for Kakashi to undermine him and his rank. They both knew Iruka was nowhere close to being Jonin in skills, a few months were not enough for Iruka to magically become skilled enough. He clenched his fist, considering decorating the Hokage's face with it. 

"I will personally oversee your training myself of course and I hope we can agree on at least 3 evenings a week to work on your skills." 

Kakashi continued like he was obvious to Iruka's growing rage. Iruka was not sure what to do now, should he say no? If he said yes, that would mean Kakashi personally would be there to watch him fail over and over again and Iruka would surely provide plenty of entertainment for the older man. 

Of course, Iruka wasn't against developing his skills or going up in rank, but he just didn't see why it was a requirement. He also wasn't interested in being bullied by his own leader. 

"And if I say no?"

Kakashi seemed to notice his inner rampage then, seeing how much Iruka tensed up. His eyes widened slightly and he shook his head. 

"I'm not doing this to give you a hard time Iruka-sensei, it, in all honesty, is a new requirement set by the council. As the Hokage, I for once agree with them. The future of our forces is very important to me and our village, and I think it is important for the headmaster of the academy to understand what might be required of the students if they want to go up in rank one day too."

Kakashi sighed and leaned back in his chair. 

"And if you were to say no, the position would likely go to Ebisu-san. He is already jonin in rank and the council already thinks of him as a prime candidate. I disagree and think you are a better option."

Iruka hated this rollercoaster he had been thrown into. One minute he thinks Kakashi has changed, the next Iruka is convinced he is messing with him and then the man seems sincere and Iruka had to admit those were some solid points. He simply had no idea what angle Kakashi was playing and he hated feeling so utterly confused and vulnerable. 

"Why do you think Ebisu-san isn't the right person for the job?" Iruka pushed. 

Kakashi tilted his head and narrowed his eyes.

"Ebisu-san is to easy to push around and he is too much of a people pleaser. We need someone strong enough to stand up for what they think is right and not back down at the smallest resistance. I know for a fact you are not afraid to let your opinion known, and I trust your judgment."

Iruka studied Kakashi with calculating eyes, but Kakashi's expression revealed nothing malicious. That didn't mean anything though, he was well aware this Hokage, as all the Hokages before him was manipulative bastards. 

Was this position really worth all this confusion and angst? Would it be stupid of Iruka to decline training from a Hokage himself? His friends would probably strangle him if they knew Iruka even considered saying no. And to be honest, Iruka wanted the job, he just had to make sure he wasn't being messed with along the way and stand up for himself and not fall for Kakashi's cruel act. 

"Yes, I accept the job." 

There. He said it. Kakashi seemed surprised for a short moment before he smiled and grabbed some papers that he signed before handing it over to Iruka. 

"Great, this is the contract, please take your time to read it through."

Iruka looked at the paper and then looked at the man behind the desk with suspicious eyes. The contract was already filled in with his name and address, which meant Kakashi had been pretty sure of himself that Iruka would accept. Iruka did not like it one bit, but he decided to start reading the contract without a fuss. 

It was a huge jump in paygrade from Iruka's current position and just for that, Iruka would be insane to say no, and considering Jonin training was included without any fees, Iruka had to admit, the contract favored him a lot. 

He finished reading it, couldn't find anything he didn't agree with and signed the paper. Kakashi took it, looked over it and thanked him while filing it away. 

They set a time for training next week and Iruka would be damned if he didn't show Kakashi what he was made of. He would make Jonin, and he would not let Kakashi manipulate him around. He set himself a goal to punch his Hokage in the nose one of these days just for the sake of it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Iruka had upped his training scheme the few days he had before his first session with Kakashi. He was still in good shape even if he did not go on missions, always making sure to stay somewhat fit. But he was not strong or fast enough to compete with Jonin. He hoped Kakashi would go somewhat easy on him and not expect Iruka to manage jonin level skills on day one. 

He had heard Naruto's stories about the man and was well aware Kakashi was a sadistic bastard when it came to being a sensei. Iruka wondered if this would make Kakashi his sensei too, though he would refuse to call the man by such a title. Hokage-Sama was probably the most appropriate title to use anyway.

As Iruka walked to the training-grounds Kakashi had booked for them, he wondered if the man would be late. Which was stupid. Of course, the porn-reading lazy bastard would be late, the question was by how much. 

It was the same training-grounds he used to take team 7 too, the one with the memorial next to it. Iruka decided to wait there and inform his parents about the latest updates of his life. He didn't go here that often anymore, and he felt a little guilty about it. He missed them so very dearly and was once again reminded of the cruelty the Infinite Tsukuyomi had put him through. Maybe he should bring some flowers next time.

After waiting fifteen minutes and still no signs of the Hokage-bastard, Iruka decided to do some light warming up. He didn't want to exhaust himself too much before Kakashi appeared as he had no clue what was in store for him. 

He also wondered if Kakashi would make him do the bell-test. There was no way Iruka could catch a bell on his own especially since there was no new Icha Icha's and no spoilers for Iruka to pretend he knew. 

He must admit he laughed his ass off when Naruto had told him the story of how he managed to grab one of the bells with Sakura. He had to give it to the boy, he was creative when it came to winning a fight. He could only imagine the expression on Kakashi's face based on what Naruto had described to him. 

Kakashi was now thirty minutes late and Iruka felt the irritation grow inside him. He was now throwing kunai at a wood-post imagining it having the Hokage's face. 

He hit spot on every time. 

Shame it was not the real thing. 

It took another fifteen minutes before Kakashi came casually strolling into view with hands in his pockets. The imaginary face on the wood-post was now completely rearranged and Iruka was happy his Hokage had shown up so he could start doing it to the real thing. 

"Yo!"

Iruka wished he could put the man on fire with the will of his mind, and gripped a stronger hold of his kunai to control himself from throwing a Katon at the man. 

Instead, he bowed and greeted the Hokage through gritted teeth. 

Kakashi studied him for a moment, still with that stupid smile on his face before he looked at the wood-post and back to Iruka with a questionable look and a raised eyebrow. 

Iruka just crocked his head to the side, and he could almost swear he saw Kakashi swallow behind his mask. 

"Well, I'm glad to see you are eager to start training Iruka-sensei. At least I don't have to teach you how to throw a kunai."

Iruka insides was now a burning inferno and he could not help himself as he snapped at the other man. 

"I can inform you that I teach people to throw a kunai for a living. Since you seem to have forgotten, I am more than happy to demonstrate on a living target if you feel like volunteering."

Kakashi's eyes widened and he had the decency to laugh nervously while scratching the back of his head. 

"Right. Well, perhaps we can start with taijutsu to get a feel of where you stand when it comes to close combat. No weapons or jutsus for now." 

Iruka eyed him suspiciously. He was still not sure of Kakashi's true intent with this. Sure, taijutsu meant Iruka eventually might have a chance to give the Hokage one fashionable black eye, but it most likely meant Iruka would be sporting several of them himself. 

This was the Hokage, there was no way Iruka stood a chance. But he agreed anyway. 

"Ok, any other rules?"

"No, that should be it."

Taijutsu was not Iruka's strongpoint in combat. Traps and fuinjutsu was more his cup of tea, but he was well aware of how taijutsu was one of the most critical skills for any ninja as you did not have an endless supply of chakra and dodging attacks was important for one's survival. 

They both took some time to empty their pockets and hidden weapon compartments on to the ground. Iruka walked towards the middle of the field to get ready and Kakashi followed. 

They were now standing off towards each other. Kakashi as carefree as always and Iruka tense like an iron pipe. He did not like this one bit, but he decided to go along with it. Complaining would do him no good. 

"So sensei, I must ask you to try not to murder me, or my ANBU-guards will be too pleased to finally be rid of me."

Iruka snorted at that. Iruka had forgotten about the ANBU guards, to be honest, wondering if they were here to witness him embarrass himself. As tempting as twisting the neck of the man in front of him was, they both knew that Iruka would be the one murdered here. He also couldn't help but think Kakashi had mentioned his guards simply to make sure Iruka knew he was being watched and not only Kakashi was here too laugh at his failures. 

Iruka was tired and sick of being toyed with. He would damn well prove this arrogant asshole he was Jonin worthy and that one of these days, Kakashi would be the one with his ass in the mud. 

Iruka took a defensive stand and waited for Kakashi to indicate the match to start. Kakashi changed his stance slightly and gave a small nod which was enough for Iruka to charge forwards. 

Kakashi dodged his hits and kicks easily. Simply just walking backward in a circle while twisting his arms and body to block Iruka's hits. Iruka pushed harder, but it did not even seem to impact Kakashi one bit. 

It was frustrating, because even if Iruka had known he stood no chance, having it so nicely demonstrated was upsetting. Iruka went at it, not able to get a single hit in. 

Iruka changed up his rotation and Kakashi actually seemed like he had to work a little harder for it. Unfortunately, it was not enough but at least now Kakashi was frowning with concentration. 

After a few more minutes Iruka was starting to get annoyed at the other man for staying so passive and for not attacking back. He felt like the Hokage was once again mocking him. Iruka then decided to jumped away to take some distance from the other man and point an accusing finger at him. 

"So we both know I can't land a hit on you, why not just fight back and beat me to the ground already so that you can have something to laugh about with your ANBU friends."

Kakashi just simply raised an eyebrow at that. 

"I'm not trying to poke fun of you Sensei, right now, I'm simply testing your stamina and strength, and yes, we will have to work on that. Second I want to see if you can be quick and creative enough with the rotation of your attacks to catch me off guard."

There was suddenly an authoritative tone to Kakashi's voice and Iruka almost felt a bit shameful, like a student scolded by his teacher. Which is sort of was? Iruka was reminded by how his own students probably felt when he scolded them and felt a bit sorry for them. Kakashi continued. 

"And as you teach these things yourself, I thought you of all people should know that this is a very good tactic for us both to get a feel of where you stand. But if you want me to give you a good beating to improve that attitude of yours, I am more than happy too."

Kakashi gave Iruka no time to feel even more shameful because Kakashi jumped in front of him and started to attack. Iruka stumbled backward doing his best to dodge and block. He did not manage to avoid all the attacks and soon felt a strong pain strike him from his left side of the face, and for a second all he saw was white and felt his body hit the ground. 

He was unable to move and needed a moment to focus on the man hovering above him, looking down at him with eyes of steel. 

"That is how easy it is for someone to beat you down and kill you, even without the use of any jutsus. As someone to be in charge of our future shinobi, I hope you see the value of their survival, or perhaps I misjudged you, thinking you were correct for the job."

Iruka looked away in shame because he knew he had acted childish and that Kakashi was right. He still hated the man guts, but It was time for Iruka to act mature enough and accept he had made a fool of himself, without Kakashi's help. 

"I am sorry Hokage-Sama, it won't happen again." 

Iruka couldn't get himself to meet the other man's eyes and focused on the trees at the edge of the field. Kakashi was silent a moment before he sighed and held his hand out for Iruka to grab to help him up. 

Iruka finally looked at Kakashi and accepted being pulled up on his feet. 

"I want our shinobi to survive when being sent out in the field Iruka-sensei, you included. Yes, I am being hard on you, but not for the reasons you might think."

Kakashi had lost the authoritative tone in his voice and almost sounded defeated and full of regret. Iruka, now standing very close to the man let himself study what he could see of the Hokage's face and could only see sincerity there. Iruka was once again thrown into a rollercoaster of doubt. 

What if Kakashi had no ill intent and had moved on from wanting to make the academy teachers' life miserable? What if Iruka had imagined some things because it made it easier to accept the hurt he went through? When they had dated, Kakashi had not been horrible, not at all, and Iruka was starting to think he had made some of it up because then he could make more sense of his feelings. 

Iruka nodded and tried not to think how good looking the man in front of him was, even with a mask covering most of his face. For now, Iruka would still harbor a dislike for the asshole in front of him, though perhaps not as strongly before. 

"No, you are right. I let my frustration get the better of me, and I made a poor statement. I would very much like to continue the training as you see fit Hokage-Sama."

Kakashi eyed him for a moment before his eyes turned into the shape of upside-down moons and relaxed his posture. 

"Great! Would you like to continue or would you like to wait till next session?"

Iruka fell annoyed again at Kakashi's sudden change of attitude, but he was not going to back down now just because his body was bruised and aching. He had more will of fire in him than that. 

And even if he knew he was nowhere close to being in Kakashi's league, he was not going to pass on an opportunity to wipe that stupid grin off his face. 

"Let's continue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Does Kakashi have second motives or not?


	4. Chapter 4

The training went on for the next two weeks without too many incidents. Of course, Kakashi had a comment here and there that triggered Iruka as he always did, but he was starting to think they were deliberately said to rile him up and too put more force into his hits. Not said with the intent to really do any harm.

When Naruto had asked him how the training went, Iruka had admitted that Kakashi tended to piss him off, and Naruto had simply laughed at that, explaining he did that to them as well, and that it took them a long time to figure out Kakashi's motive behind it. He did it to make them do better. Iruka, of course, had not seen it like that, but now that he was aware of it, he saw it too. It was so easy to blame it on his experience of Kakashi's bullying through the years and sometimes that was all he saw until after the sessions and he took the time to think about it.

He tried to convince himself that Kakashi could be nicer about it all, but had to admit he saw reason too it. This wasn't about having a pleasant experience, it was about survival and getting the job done. It was about understanding what being a Jonin was about and then pass on the needed skills to the next generations to prepare them for what the world has to offer. Of course, Iruka would not train the kids to be Jonin, he was training them to be genin. But it was about knowing what they might have to put up with and then making sure they understood the seriousness of it all.

Iruka had improved a lot in the six sessions they have had and Kakashi was struggling more to keep up blocking all his attacks to Iruka's satisfaction. They also had one small match where they were allowed to use Jutsus and Iruka had been so very close to catching the Hokage in a barrier jutsu. Kakashi had been noticeably impressed by his chakra control and creative use of his surroundings that Iruka had felt a little pride knowing he had impressed someone as skillful and powerful as the legend in front of him.

Kakashi was also more offensive than he had been at the start and actually slightly out of breath by the end of their sessions which Iruka counted as progress. He still had not been able to land a proper hit on the older man, but he had not given up hope just yet. Of course, while Kakashi was slightly out of breath, Iruka was gasping for air. He now exercised every day outside of the training to work on his stamina and to up his body strength.

They were now in the midst of their seventh training session and Kakashi had stopped them mid-fight to give Iruka some pointers about some techniques, explaining a better way to move his arms to get less air resistance and move slightly faster, explaining how a few milliseconds could be the difference between life and death. It was hard to get a grasp on and getting used to the movements when you were in the middle of fighting, considering Iruka had been used to doing it a certain way his entire life. But he could see how this way might be better.

Iruka was no longer as hostile towards the other man except the start when Kakashi arrived late, but they both stayed a respectable distance from each other when they were not in the middle of throwing punches.

So when Kakashi suddenly was in his space, grabbing his arms and positioning himself against Iruka's back to help him demonstrate the movement he had been trying to explain, Iruka was a little stunned. Hearing the deep voice just next to his ear and feeling their bodies rub together at the demonstration of the movement made him feel incredibly warm and react in a way he did not want too. Certainly not with this man.

"Just like this, move your arms in more straight out from your body rather than trying to use the gravity to make the punches stronger. Use the strength in your arms rather than the strength of the movement."

Kakashi was almost whispering, not needing to be loud as they stood so close. Close enough so that Iruka could feel the other man's hot breath on his cheek. One of his hands moved to Iruka's hip to help direct the body movement while the other one held his wrist demonstrating the movement of the arm.

Iruka felt the blush heat his cheeks and found himself almost letting a moan escape from his mouth. Having another body, one as strong and lean as Kakashi's so close to his was definitely affecting him in ways his mind did not approve of. Instead of letting a moan escape his throat he swallowed it down and grasped around the reality he had known for so long.

Hate.

Iruka elbowed the man to make him back off. Kakashi managed to dodge to Iruka's dismay, but he took a couple of steps back seeming as carefree as always, simply raising an eyebrow at him.

"I am quite capable of moving on my own thank you."

Kakashi simply smiled at that and nodded.

"Yes, I am quite aware Iruka-sensei, why don't we try to put what I just showed you into practice hmm?"

Iruka was about to snap back telling the man he was not going to use seduction to get the upper hand when his mind was kind enough to supply him that Kakashi probably meant the movement he had tried to demonstrate. Though, with Kakashi, you could never be sure. Iruka forced down the desire Kakashi had just woken up in him, denying to himself that it was the Hokage that triggered it and trying to convince his mind that he just needed to get laid.

Yes, that is it. He needed to go to a bar and find himself a one-night-stand to get some frustration out of his system.

He shut that thought down for now and gave his full attention to the man in front of him ready-ing himself for another match. Kakashi waited patiently for Iruka to get his act together before giving the affirmative nod to start.

Iruka jumped forward and tried using the moves Kakashi had thought him into practice. He did not succeed every time, but the more punches he threw the better he got the hang of it. Soon he could see Kakashi struggling more and more to keep up, but still blocking all the attacks. Iruka then decided to change his rotation and the effect was immediate. He managed to kick Kakashi's legs and make the man stumble backward.

Iruka grabbed his chance and threw a punch to the other man's face.

They were both equally surprised when it hit, causing both of them to stop. Kakashi fell on his ass and Iruka stumbled forward almost falling on top of the other man but managed to regain his balance in time.

For a moment they just stared at each other before Kakashi rubbed his face. Iruka finding the sight of the Hokage on his ass, punched to the ground by a mere chunin so comical he fell to the ground himself in a laughing fit.

It took Iruka some time to get a hold of himself. He looked back at Kakashi who was now leaning back on his hands seeming very amused. Kakashi tilted his head at Iruka and smiled.

"That was good, I think you are ready to start working on me fighting you back."

Iruka couldn't help the big grin on his face. He had dreams of punching Kakashi in the face, and the satisfaction was more than he thought it would be. He could really see the progress of his training and actually had some hope of making Jonin. He hoped the Hokage would be sporting a big nasty bruise.

He knew Kakashi would probably come with some stupid excuse like falling down the stairs or something to anyone who asked, but he didn't care. He knew he was the one to put it there, and that was enough for him.

They both got back up on their feet and Kakashi started laying out the rules for the next step of the training before they went back at it for a few more hours.

It was again harder now that Kakashi was throwing more punches back, but Iruka was able to defend himself better and still throw some punches himself. Iruka was still smiling at the end of the session.

Perhaps he could learn to tolerate Kakashi again.

Just maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh! Finally, Iruka got a punch in huh? :D


	5. Chapter 5

Iruka has had nine training sessions with Kakashi so far and he could already notice a huge difference in his reflexes and body strength since starting. On top of that, he was no longer a panting mess at the end of their training sessions. Iruka was in good shape before, but three weeks of heavy training had helped him improve a lot. Even Genma had commented that he looked hotter and left the chunin blushing horribly. 

Iruka had never really paid that much attention to his body before, but he had to admit, he liked what he saw and he felt more confident about it. Even on a day to day basis when he had to keep an eye on twenty-five children with sharp weapons he was a lot quicker to react when a kunai or shuriken went astray. 

Kakashi had not been in his bully mode either and that kept him more motivated to continue, if anything, though Iruka was not quite sure, the Hokage sometimes seemed to be flirting with him. A part of Iruka hated it, as he did not want to end up in a mess like last time, but he felt reeled in by the eccentric Jonin and it was reawakening memories of their good times together those many years ago. He tried to deny to himself that he enjoyed the extra attention from the man he once was in love with, but it wasn't quite successful.

Iruka knew he was walking on a double-edged sword and that he most likely would get hurt again if he let it continue. But what if it was different this time? What if Kakashi had good intentions? It's been eight years, and Iruka knew a lot could have changed since then. 

Hell, eight years ago Iruka hated Naruto because of the nine-tailed fox, and that feeling was now replaced with nothing but love for the boy. He had treated Naruto horribly in the beginning before he learned to actually know the boy. He would be a hypocrite if he did not give Kakashi the same benefit of the doubt. Of course, he didn't think Kakashi loved him, but he would be lying to himself if he said the chemistry between them wasn't still there. 

He didn't want to get back together with Kakashi, he still carried all those years with hurt, but maybe they could learn to be friends? 

Lately, his thoughts had been playing with the idea of forgiving the older man, but he wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not yet. He could never forget the cruel words Kakashi had used to break his heart, but maybe he could learn to move on from that day.

He was thinking about the Rokudaime to often for his comfort these days and was once again lost in thought about the entire thing while helping Naruto study. He slightly jumped when Naruto's voice interrupted his thoughts. 

"So, how's the training with Kakashi-sensei going? You better not become Jonin before me!" Naruto pointed an accusing finger at Iruka from where he was sitting behind a classroom desk reading his Jonin studies.

Iruka laughed at that. Naruto was no doubt a better fighter than Iruka, but when it came to understanding everything else, he was a little behind. Iruka shook his head. 

"I don't think I'm quite Jonin material yet, but I suppose I am getting closer to the goal." 

Naruto just stared at him with calculating eyes before he just shrugged. Then a light seemed to go on in his head because suddenly was standing on his desk pointing at Iruka accusingly. Iruka leaned back slightly as Naruto's stare was quite intense. 

"That Bakashi-sensei better not be training you to take my Hokage seat!"

Iruka had to blink a few times before a malicious smile spread on his face. Naruto's eyes went wide before Iruka responded. 

"Well, if you can't manage to make Jonin, maybe that is his backup plan. Having a genin Hokage?" Iruka let out an evil laugh. "Well, I would keep at those studies if I were you." 

Iruka crossed his arms and glared at Naruto. Naruto was standing there gaping at him before he jumped back in his seat and mumbled something about Iruka trying to steal his glory. 

Iruka threw an eraser at the boy, this time the blonde caught it and looked up at him with another accusing stare. Iruka just smiled innocently. 

"You got the answer for 3b wrong boy, better correct it fast or I will sweep that hat away from you!" 

Naruto looked down at his paper and back at Iruka. 

"Whaaa! How did you know?" Naruto shouted out loudly. Iruka knew the blonde had no clue what was wrong with his answer yet.

"Well as a potential next Hokage I just simply know these things." Iruka had a hard time trying to stay serious and keeping a smile off his face. He sometimes made Naruto some quick quizzes based on what he had been reading lately, and he had intentionally set up question 3b to be a trick question. 

* * *

Iruka did not have any training session's set up with Kakashi that evening and had instead accepted an invitation from Izumo to go out for a drink. He had contemplated declining as he did most time when people tried to drag him out with them, as he often spent his evenings grading papers or working on lesson plans. Tonight he planned to work on a sealing technique Kakashi had suggested for him but reconsidered when it came to the undeniable sexual tension he had been feeling constantly the last two weeks. He still told his brain to shut up when it claimed Kakashi specifically was to blame, rather than watching any too-good-to-be-true good looking bodies and their fluid movements while sparring. Ignoring the fact that Kakashi was the only one he had been sparring with of late. 

This was a good time of any to maybe get that tension released, so, yes. He accepted the invitation. He had a good time bantering with his friends and updating himself of Konoha's latest gossip. 

Who would have thought Anko finally found the guts to admit her feelings for Ibiki and that Ibiki had reciprocated them? Or that Shikamaru and Temari was a thing now? He hadn't known, and according to the group he was now sitting with, this had happened a few weeks back. 

Genma asked him how his training with the Rukudaime was going and Iruka could see how he was hoping for some juicy gossip. Being accustom to Genma putting his nose into other people's business he kept the answer short, simply saying he was progressing and slowly improving, keeping the conversation focused on the training rather than the trainer. 

Aoba who had not known Kakashi was training Iruka was very curious, not at all aware of Iruka's past with the current Hokage. That's why they found themself chatting and slightly flirting with each other by the bar after going to grab some more drinks a bit later in the night. Iruka slightly flushed and under the influence from a fair bit of alcohol, saw where it might be going. But was confused and angry when his body wasn't as excited as he thought he would be considering the desperate need of release he had felt earlier in the day. 

He was contemplating whether or not he should stop it there or continue hoping the excitement would reappear when the conversation developed further into more promising structures when he felt Aoba's hand slightly touch his over the bar counter and body moving closer to Iruka. Iruka met his gaze and knew if he wanted to stop this, he had to do it now. He swallowed preparing himself to respond, when suddenly, faster than he managed to blink, his vision was obscured by a silver-haired masked man.

Iruka who was by then influenced by a fair amount of alcohol didn't even jump at the sudden appearance and instead just sat there blinking in surprise at the man who had somehow managed to place himself between him and Aoba. He only vaguely registered Aoba falling off his chair onto the floor. 

"Iruka-sensei! What a lovely surprise seeing you here." The Hokage declared loud and brightly.

Iruka still a bit confused by what just happened leaned back a bit, looking at the equally surprised Jonin on the floor before looking back at the annoying man now standing way to close for comfort. 

Iruka could feel the anger start to bubble up inside him from the rude interruption, not even caring that he had just been about to decline Aoba's advances himself. If he did not know better ( _his brain somewhere far in the distance, tried to tell him he did know better_ ) he would have thought Kakashi had just intensionally cockblocked him. 

Kakashi then had the decency to turn around and look at Aoba and ask the man why he was on the floor. Iruka's hand's turned into fists and he doing everything in his power to hold back from putting them forcefully into the silver-haired man's gut, knowing it would potentially put him in a lot of trouble punching the Hokage outside of their set training sessions. 

Aoba muttered something and practically ran away before Kakashi turned his attention back to Iruka with his typical smiling eyes.

"I think he lost a penny or something," Kakashi said to Iruka with amusement clear in his voice. Iruka thought he may have detected a slight tension there but couldn't be sure in his alcohol hazed mind.

"Probably his dignity" Iruka muttered annoyed. 

"What was that?" Kakashi asked while ordering a drink from the flustered bartender overwhelmed by seeing the Hokage at his bar. 

"Maybe you should consider paying your shinobi more so that your Jonin won't have to crawl on the floor looking for a way to pay their bills." Iruka responded bitterly instead before gulping down the rest of his drink, his defenses rising instinctively from encountering the man outside the training grounds.

He didn't actually know what a jonin on a normal mission rooster earned, but he knew it was probably more than he would earn as a headmaster as they constantly put their life on the line. Based on his contract he knew he would be paid decently if he managed to get his promotion. 

Kakashi chuckled at that and Iruka turned his head towards the man, still a little too close for comfort but which also allowed the chunin to notice how the other man's eyes crinkled in amusement as he replied. 

"I suppose I will have to look into that." 

Iruka swallowed and felt his body get warm, flushing under the heavy gaze of his ex-probably-fake-lover. Kakashi's deep voice re-triggering the tension he had hoped to get rid of tonight. Iruka forced himself to look away, trying to focus on the people around in the bar and ignoring the man next to him. Kakashi would of course not allow anyone to ignore him for long when he wanted something. 

"So, what is this rumor I hear from Naruto about you trying to steal the Hokage hat from him?" Kakashi asked lightly, sitting down on the chair Aoba had fallen off putting a little more distance between them to Iruka's relief.

Iruka turned to look at him by the mention of their former student and couldn't help the smile that spread on his face, making eye contact with the person he hasn't quite decided if he should make friends with or not yet.

"Let's just call it motivation for him to stay focused on his reading." Iruka said tapping his fingers on the counter. 

Kakashi let out a genuine laugh at that and his eyes crinkled even more. Iruka noted that Kakashi had a few more age-lines around his eyes compared to eight years ago, and couldn't stop his thoughts from thinking it looked rather good on the man.

"He loudly entered my office while I was pleasantly napping and declared to me that you are now his number one rival. Demanding more advanced training as it won't look good on him if you become jonin before him." Kakashi told him with feigned annoyance and rolling his eyes. 

It was Iruka's turn to chuckle because that sounded just like something Naruto would do. Iruka wasn't sure if he should take it as a compliment or as an insult but didn't really find it in him too to care. He loved Naruto regardless. 

"Suppose you get what you deserve for sleeping on the job." There was no bitterness in Iruka's voice this time, instead, it was full of humor.

Kakashi's gaze seemed to soften but still fully focused on Iruka. Iruka wasn't quite sure what to do about the suddenly increased attention from Kakashi. Had you asked Iruka a few weeks back, he would have told Kakashi politely to fuck off, but now he found himself gravitating towards him. 

Kakashi just hummed happily in reply and took a sip of his drink through the mask. 

"You should know I am quite competitive, so I will fight Naruto to get that jonin rank first, I expect you to fully support my training and my training only as your current student." Iruka couldn't help feeling a tad excited.

"Mah, so demanding. Does that mean you will call me sensei?" Kakashi replied in a low, deep and unfairly sexy voice while slightly leaning towards Iruka, making a shiver go through his body. Iruka felt himself blush uncontrollably, not surprised by that kind of comment coming from the older man, but he still gave the Rukodaime an accusing stare before turning away hoping to hide some of the redness on his face.

"I don't think so Hokage-Sama." He says instead with some finality to his tone of voice, deciding he had let himself fall into the ease of this interaction bit too much.

"Please, just Kakashi."

Iruka glanced at the man before turning his gaze away again. He felt like they were moving into dangerous territories a bit to fast. Keeping to a formal title was a part of his defenses and he was not quite ready to break that part down just yet. 

"Sorry, Hokage-Sama, but I don't think we are quite that friendly yet." He declared. 

He wasn't looking at Kakashi and therefore didn't notice how the expression fell into a face of disappointment. It actually took the man a couple of seconds before he managed to get a hold of himself again making his famous fake-eye-smile. 

"Well, if you change your mind, know you are more than welcome too." Kakashi says then. He tries to keep his voice as light and playful as before, but it doesn't quite reach.

Iruka's attention is therefore snapped back to the man beside him, instantly noticing the tiny change in the tone of voice. Kakashi was disguising it well, but Iruka saw the way the lines next to his eyes did not deepen as much as earlier and how the shoulder's seemed to droop forward a bit more than usual. Kakashi blinked at him with one eye before standing back up from the seat he stole from Aoba and left the bar with a wave. 

Confused by the sudden change and Kakashi's escape Iruka could only stare at the door where the silver-haired man disappeared. Kakashi hid the change of mood well, and Iruka would have easily missed it had he not previously been so very focused on those eyes and tone of the sexy voice. A part of him felt slightly disappointed at the loss of company, wondering what he said to make the Hokage run away, but also relieved from being taken away from a situation he did not quite understand.

Iruka knew he forced a shield around himself when Kakashi was around, but he couldn't help it. Several times in the past, while handing in shitty mission reports, Kakashi had made sure to remind Iruka of his rank and his title of useless desk ninja. Yes, Kakashi seemed to have changed his mind since then. Perhaps becoming Hokage had made him see the importance of all those previously thought useless jobs, or there could be other reasons. Iruka just didn't know. He had let the shield drop quite a bit lately, finding himself enjoying the man's company. 

But he still had his doubts. 

He felt like he had somehow hurt Kakashi's feelings and couldn't help feeling guilty for it. He was still not completely comfortable around the man and therefore did not want to be on a first-name basis just yet. Maybe one day, if Kakashi proved to be serious about burying the poisoned battle-axe. 

He looked around the bar noticing his friends fully focused on the card-game they were currently playing, a game encouraging them to drink. He could see from here that Kotetsu was drunk enough to fall on his ass if he ever decided to try to stand up and the way Raido struggled to stay awake despite Genma's loud and excited shouting just next to him. Iruka considered going back to join them, but his good mood had vanished and instead, he just felt mentally exhausted. 

Instead, he got up and walked out of the bar heading in the direction of his lonely apartment. 

If there was a current village leader hidden in the shadows nearby to make sure he walked home without company, he had no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for some angsty Kakashi POV next chapter?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long to write this T_T
> 
> I've known for the longest time what I wanted to do with this chapter and what feel I wanted to give it, but I haven't really been in the mindstate to actually put it into words and get the desired effect. Finally, I think I have somehow managed to get there :3 
> 
> Also a huuuuuuuuuuuge thank you too BooleanWildcard for being a wonderful beta for this chapter! <3

_ Kakashi entered the Hokage office through the door, as he had been summoned as Kakashi and not his ANBU persona. The Sandaime was sitting behind his desk, watching him critically. He entered the room and walked to the front of the desk, where he bowed his head in greeting and respect to his leader.  _

_ "Hokage-Sama." He said respectfully, not quite sure why he was here.  _

_ "Kakashi-san, thank you for coming so soon." The Sandaime nodded in greeting back.  _

_ Kakashi was known to be late, unless it was related to urgent ANBU matters, but he always made sure to not leave the old man waiting, after the Hokage had forgiven him for siding with Danzo and root many years ago; when he'd come close to committing treason. The plan had been to assassinate the Sandaime, as Kakashi had been devastated from not being allowed to fight during the nine-tailed attack. Luckily, he had come to his senses before it went that far. If anything, that this man still found it in him to forgive and let him prove his loyalty once again made Kakashi even more loyal to this man, and the older man knew that very well. _

_ "I will get straight to it. It has come to my attention that you are dating Umino Iruka, and I want to know if these rumors are true"  _

_ Kakashi was surprised by the question. The Sandaime loved gossip and was a hawk when it came to information, but he never thought he would be summoned to the office to discuss his personal affairs.  _

_ "Yes, I and Iruka-san have been seeing each other for 7 months now." Kakashi replied, a little uncertain. He was never comfortable talking about his personal life, but decided it was best to be honest with his leader.  _

_ The Sandaime just stared at him with a calculating look, elbows resting on the desk and hands folded in front of his mouth. It took a moment before the Hokage spoke again, and Kakashi shifted his weight on the other leg. It was an unfortunate habit he had when he felt uncomfortable.  _

_ "And what are your intentions with pursuing him? You two do not exactly spend time in the same circles, and there is a clear difference between your ranks." _

_ This time Kakashi frowned. Intentions? Kakashi had not really thought about what his intentions were, he only knew that Umino Iruka was incredibly beautiful, he enjoyed spending time with the man, and loved the sound of his laugh. Iruka had also shown heart when it came to Naruto, his sensei's son, when nobody else did. Kakashi simply admired and adored Iruka. But his intentions? He supposed it perhaps was to find a companion that accepted him as he was, and Iruka did that. But how should he voice this to the Hokage?  _

_ Before he had a chance to decide how to express his 'intentions' the Hokage spoke again.  _

_ "Iruka is very precious to me, almost like another son, and I am not sure if I approve of your relationship." There was none of the normal and everpresent amusement in his eyes; instead, they were cold and strict. It was unsettling, especially as it was a look Kakashi had never seen on the man, even when Kakashi had been close to betraying him.  _

_ Kakashi swallowed, not quite sure what to say. He felt the anxiety run through his body, wondering what it would mean for the relationship between him and Iruka. Iruka had truly been the light of his days, and he did not want to give that up.  _

_ "Hokage-Sama… I-" Kakashi started, but was quickly interrupted.  _

_ "I want you to break it off with him. Iruka is a gentle soul and does not belong with someone in your position. He deserves to be married to a lovely woman and to have children of his own." It was said harsh and abrupt, and there was clearly no room for any argument.  _

_ Kakashi gaped behind his mask. Iruka was allowed to (or should be allowed to) choose for himself, he would have thought. He had no impression that Iruka was interested in settling down with any woman, and making that decision was none of the Hokage’s business.  _

_ Son or not, Iruka seemed to genuinely like him and had voiced that himself, he had even used the word 'love'. _

_ He might agree with the Hokage about Iruka deserving his own children, but that was not something Kakashi would ever deny him, even if they were both men. There were always other ways.  _

_ But what did he mean about Kakashi's position? Kakashi was nowhere good enough for Iruka, he could agree with that, but Iruka himself had been very adamant that it was up for Iruka to decide. _

_ "Don't you think Iruka should be allowed to make that choice himself?" He carefully asked, hesitation carried in his voice. _

_ "No, I don't think so. He does not belong to your world. You sit with experiences and certain life choices, and I do not want him surrounded by those. He simply does not know what is best for him." The Hokage said curtly.  _

_ Kakashi paled. There was no doubt what choices the Hokage was referring to, and maybe the old man was right? He might be a horrible influence on the teacher and, undoubtedly, Iruka deserved better.  _

_ The Hokage continued his speech, as if unaware of Kakashi's inner turmoil. _

_ "I want you to break his heart, make him lose any hope of a reunion. I know this will make him hurt, but it will be for the best, in the long run. He can find someone more suitable, without you standing in his way. Do not show any kindness, and I encourage you to do everything you can do to make sure it stays that way." _

_ It was said like this was a high ranked mission and Kakashi almost took it as one-- except this time, it hurt to receive it. It was a mission to take away the only happiness he held in life at the moment, and to also break that happiness in the most brutal way. It hurt in a way that made it feel like his heart was bursting through his chest. He loved Iruka, he had fallen so badly for the kind and caring man, and now, their leader told him not to just end it, but to be cruel.  _

_ "I hope I have not mistaken your loyalty?" The Sandaime said when Kakashi did not respond.  _

_ Kakashi met his eyes; he wanted to say no. He really wanted to say no. But he had already betrayed this man once, he could not do it again.  _

_ Kakashi let his head fall on his chest in defeat.  _

_ "It will be done." _

* * *

Kakashi remembered that day like it was yesterday. His heart had completely broken from the hurt look in the Chunin's eyes when he had said the words that broke their relationship for good.

Shortly after the break-up, he had taken missions with the hope that each might be the last, struggling with how cruel he'd been to Iruka. He still managed to endure it, though, simply because he knew he owed it to the Hokage. 

He eventually admitted to himself that he both agreed and disagreed with the old man, but for Iruka's peace of heart, he mostly disagreed. The chunin deserved to choose for himself. 

As the years went by, it did not get any easier. Iruka's eyes slowly went from looking hurt, to being filled with hate whenever Kakashi was nearby. Kakashi always did his best to not run into the chunin when possible because he hated being hated, more than he hated causing hurt. He hated it because that meant the small hope he had held close to his heart of a reunion with the person he never stopped loving faded away. Their fight about the chunin exam nominations had only been a front in the presence of the Hokage, but it ripped Kakashi apart on the inside. 

When the Sandaime died from Orochimaru's attack on Konoha, he initially continued to make Iruka's life miserable on their few encounters in the beginning, partly because it had almost become a habit after all that time, and because it had been given to him as a long term mission and it was his duty to respect the dead man's wishes.

After awhile, though, he cooled down a little, because he wasn't sure anyone actually kept an eye on him anymore.

He never approached Iruka to apologize though, not for a long time. He felt like he owed that much to the now-dead Hokage and his previous leader. He wasn't about to fail the mission he was given, no matter his personal feelings. Iruka held no love for him anymore, anyway, so it wasn't like the malicious act was doing the harm it once had done in the past. 

When war broke out, he worried his hair off that Iruka wasn't safe. Kakashi was the one to suggest to Tsunade that she send Iruka to turtle island with Naruto, because somehow that felt safer than the front lines would be. 

After the war, when he was appointed Hokage, he eventually went through all the records of his old missions that had been saved from pain's attack in a secure location, only to find no record of this mission anywhere. 

He realized, then, that it had always been a personal request from an old man who didn't know how to mind his own business; it had never been an actual official mission. 

Kakashi had been furious to have been played like that and for not realizing earlier. 

Iruka was always on his mind; Kakashi had never stopped caring. Once Kakashi loved something, he loved it to the end of the world and back, and love never faded for him. Finally, he could stop being cruel and feel like he wasn't disobeying any orders. 

All he wanted to do was reconnect with Iruka. 

He approached Iruka with the offer of promotion to Headmaster of the academy, knowing the position would be a temptation. Of course, he knew that he, himself, was probably the reason he never received any applications from Iruka for the job, but he decided to manipulate the situation for his own selfish benefit. If Iruka took the position, Kakashi would have an excuse to see him more, and hopefully, allow them to reconnect over time. When the council had put in a demand for the position to go to someone of Jonin rank, Kakashi had jumped on the opportunity to train Iruka himself. 

Iruka was wary of him from the very start, that was clear as a cloudless day, but Kakashi's hope grew as Iruka seemed to lower his defenses and relax a little in his presence again. They actually had a good time during their training sessions, and he couldn't help but feel a little proud of watching and supporting Iruka's progress. The chunin was older than most when it came to breaking through to Jonin, but Kakashi had no doubt he would reach that skill-level very soon. 

It didn't help Kakashi's situation that Iruka was so incredibly beautiful. Iruka, after all these years, had a body to drool over and a personality so strong and passionate Kakashi could never fall out of love even if he tried. Oh, he had tried-- but, if anything, he fell even harder as they spent more time together. 

When Kakashi saw Iruka very obviously flirting with Aoba at the bar, he felt heartbroken, out of this world with jealousy. He hadn't been able to stop himself; He'd pushed Aoba off the chair and put himself between them. 

At first, when Iruka had joined the banter about the new Hokage rivalry with Naruto, Kakashi hadn't been able to hold the smile back or stop his heart fluttering in excitement, as he felt like they were progressing. 

But then, just in an instant, Iruka undoubtedly made it clear that he did not appreciate Kakashi's approach one bit, and put his foot down by using Kakashi's Hokage title when Kakashi asked him not too. 

Kakashi's heart broke for the second time that night. 

And now he was finally losing hope. The hope started to slowly fade after that night of clear rejection, and then with a few more training sessions with Iruka keeping it solely professional. Kakashi did not like it, because Iruka was all he wanted in life, and that was worth fighting for. He wanted what they'd had all those years ago, but maybe it really was impossible, and he had only put himself up for devastating ruin. It really hurt to see Iruka show interest in someone else. 

He had broken Iruka's heart in the past and been directly cruel in the years after. Iruka had every reason to not be interested. Iruka had every reason to hate him.

Iruka had truly moved on. 

He knew Iruka went home alone that night, but it was probably because Kakashi had chased off the person Iruka had intended to spend it with. 

Kakashi was aware he had been selfish for approaching Iruka again; Iruka was evidently not interested in anything but a professional relationship that had nothing to do with romance. Putting up such a fight was only making Iruka uncomfortable. Perhaps this time, the right thing to do was to support Iruka's training as a Hokage only interested in the future shinobi's progress, rather than someone who wanted a relationship with the most beautiful man in Konoha. Maybe it was truly time to relieve Iruka of all the pain Kakashi had caused all this time, and was potentially still causing. 

Kakashi didn't want to, but Iruka had made it clear that he didn't want to deal with Kakashi more than necessary. The small hope he had held, lit like a fire in the deepest part of his heart, was dying. He didn't love Iruka any less, that would never be the case, but maybe it was time to accept that what was once lost, was truly lost. 

He would train Iruka and support him as the Headmaster of the Academy, but he would let Iruka be. He would give the younger man a chance to move on without any more interference from Kakashi, and finally give him a chance to find someone else to share his life with. 

It hurt. It was a pain he knew he would never recover from, but if it was a pain that could ease Iruka's pain, then he could endure. 

He wished someone could have told him, before he fell for Iruka, that love was the worst pain of them all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned last chapter, this, was a pretty angsty chapter from Kakashi POV and quite emotionally heavy (I think?). Though, I hope you enjoyed it <3


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